Friday, August 29, 2008

Lousy Parenting Awards

Where to start with this one...?

Please read about the parents who let their kid drop out of high school to focus on Guitar Hero.
Blake convinced his folks (that is, "We couldn't take the complaining anymore," said his mom) to let him drop out last September. They hired in-home tutors to continue his education there, at least, but there's no doubt priority number one is Guitar Hero. There's a vaguely defined goal of Blake playing it professionally, either through Major League Gaming or by winning prizes in a national and international competitions. But so far he's only made about $1,000, most of that value realized in meals and other freebies won at local competitions. The other pro gamer the reporter contacted for this story said he's cashed in about $25,000 in his entire career.
I'm all for liberal parenting, but fucking hell, Blake's Parents!

You've got to imagine those parents, at some point, were just like, "Ah, who gives a fuck?"

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Listen Very Closely

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Walking on Sunshine

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rise of the Rats

Meet Gordon, probably the world's first robot controlled exclusively by living brain tissue.

Stitched together from cultured rat neurons, Gordon's primitive grey matter was designed at the University of Reading by scientists who unveiled the neuron-powered machine on Wednesday.

Their groundbreaking experiments explore the vanishing boundary between natural and artificial intelligence, and could shed light on the fundamental building blocks of memory and learning, one of the lead researchers told AFP.
Read all about the Frankenrobot HERE .

I don't mean to be the joy-kill here—I'm all for pushing the boundaries of artificial intelligence and robotics... but should we really be encouraging the rats? Isn't there a slightly less-offensive species we could empower through machines?

Monday, August 25, 2008

Tether of Hope

MORGANTON, NC—If not for the faint glimmer of hope offered by a dinner date Thursday, sources confirmed that unemployed 24-year-old Justin Glick would have absolutely nothing to prevent him from sinking fully into the profound abyss of disrepair that is his daily life...
The Onion is cranking out some quality material, if you've missed it...

Friday, August 22, 2008

Serial Killer Thriller


I admit to being pretty green on the television business, but the one show I would luh-huh-huvvv to write would be "Dexter".

I love how it's constantly painting itself into a corner.

I love how it dances around the edges of morality.

A serial killer protagonist that you somehow root for.

Forget your fucking Heroes. Dexter's the show I'm looking forward to next month. Let's have it, then.

(I'm also really excited about The Shield, but I don't have an animated gif to convey my enthusiasm for it.)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Neighborhood Clown

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Bicycle Thieves

It took long enough but, thanks to NetFlix, I finally got around to watching The Bicycle Thief. (I somehow managed to avoid seeing it throughout film school.)

As I do when I watch almost ANY movie these days, I combed through it looking for anything I could steal-- or rather, homage...

Then it occurred to me: Tim Burton remade this as Pee-wee's Big Adventure!

Son of a bitch.

Well, hats off to the original and the re-imagining. Both should be required viewing, IMHO.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Spanking Sells

Do yourself a favor and check out this terrific history of spanking in advertisements.

Nothing a good spank can't resolve.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mojave at Heart

You wait long enough, there's a backlash against the backlash.

Articles like "10 Reasons Why Vista Isn't That Bad".

And Microsoft's curious new campaign to sell people on Vista by having them try it under the alternate name "Mojave". The theory being that "Vista" has become so synonymous with "shitty OS" in the media that new users are just prejudiced against the thing without reason.

Well, I use Vista. Had it pre-installed on a brand new computer that I had the highest hopes for. It totally fucked up almost everything I used to do on my previous XP computer. Nothing has been fixed. I still can't use an HP Scanjet 4100c that I've had for years. (HP refuses to create a Vista-compatible driver for it.) Other peripherals don't work and I can't edit videos the way I used to.

Here's an article exposing the bad science of Microsoft's "Mojave Experiment".

I still hate the cult of Mac. Specifically, the smug fanboys who come across as bratty children who've been told that they're "special" a little too often by their mothers—who squeal with glee at the epic failure of "Vista". Those self-satisfied cocksuckers can fuck off.

I'm not looking for a god or a mommy.

I just need a computer with an operating system that I can rely on.

Which is why my next computer will probably be a Mac.

Of course, I can't fucking afford one for a while because I wasted a good chunk of money on this Vista computer. I've got to tough it out in the middle of the desert that Microsoft stranded me in.

Friday, August 15, 2008


Big Brown Brian beats his big brother Bobby with a baseball bat!!!

Uncanny Valleyism courtesy of the talented folks at Pendulum.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Brave One

From The Onion:

COLUMBUS, OH—A bravely worded e-mail written by graphic designer Brent Quigley decrying his advertising firm's "complete lack of managerial competence" and its "utter failure to treat employees with respect" has remained inside the drafts folder since it was first composed on Dec. 4, 2007...

Courageous E-mail To Boss In Drafts Folder Since December

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


This isn't necessarily a blog for soap-boxing these issues, but have you seen these "slanty-eye" photos that Spain's Olympic basketball teams posed for?!
Spanish sport has been mired in rows over racism in the last few years. In November 2004 black English footballers were subjected to relentless racial barracking from home supporters in a match in Spain. Before the World Cup there were calls for Luis Aragones, then Spain's football coach, to be sacked after he called Thierry Henry a "black shit".
A friend brought this to my attention—I can't believe there isn't more of a firestorm over this. Aside from a handful of online articles. What fucking year is this? THIS is okay with everyone?

Spain's shitty basketball teams go to the Beijing Olympics and disrespect the host nation with group "ching-chong" portraits?

... and no apologies?

... not even an half-assed explanation?

Is something wrong with this picture?

Go get angry. Immediately.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Troll Age

"Why inflict anguish on a helpless stranger? It’s tempting to blame technology, which increases the range of our communications while dehumanizing the recipients.... But while technology reduces the social barriers that keep us from bedeviling strangers, it does not explain the initial trolling impulse. This seems to spring from something ugly — a destructive human urge that many feel but few act upon, the ambient misanthropy that’s a frequent ingredient of art, politics and, most of all, jokes. There’s a lot of hate out there, and a lot to hate as well..."

New York Times Magazine

And The Onion reports from another angle...

Monday, August 11, 2008

Uncle Funny Bunny and Chumpy

I must respectfully disagree with cartoon historian Jerry Beck:

Jack Pierce's "Uncle Funny Bunny and Chumpy" is hardly the worst comic strip ever made.

The name alone is fucking inspired.

"Uncle Funny Bunny" would've been ample. "Chumpy" would've been perfectly sound. But Pierce saw fit to offer us *both* Uncle Funny Bunny AND Chumpy. In one strip. This was nothing short of revolutionary in its day.

There are comic strips far, far more deserving of the Worst Comic Strip Ever Stamp. Now testify.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Triumph at the Comic Con

Thursday, August 07, 2008

This Dying World

"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."
In case you missed it, do yourself a favor and check out THE ONION's brilliant Al Gore piece.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Somewhat Damaged

just like you
would always say
we'll make it through

then my head
fell apart

(and where were you...?)

how could I
ever think

it's funny how
everything you swore would never change...
... is different now

like you said
you and me
make it through

didn't quite!
fell apart!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Lonely World

The brilliant GARFIELD MINUS GARFIELD is gonna be a book that I may have to pick up.

It's remarkable what a little Photoshop can reveal.

Monday, August 04, 2008

I Have No Strings On Me

Cuddle him, and he seems to soak up the affection. His limbs become limp, his eyelids lower, his breathing relaxes, and his heart beat slows down.

But give him a violent shake, or shout in his face, and he gets upset.

He flinches, his hands clench, his breathing and heart rate speed up, and his eyes widen.

Welcome to August.

Meet the Emotibots...

This is really happening.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

I Don't Get It (again)

Remember that jogger I animated for Lucas Dimick?

This is what he made.

Now go and rate it 5 stars for us.

Goddamn you, don't question me. JUST FUCKING DO IT!!!



Friday, August 01, 2008

More Mutations

Dead Seamonsters in Montauk!

Run for the fucking hills!

Jeff Corwin thinks it's a dog or a raccoon...

Gawker breaks down the theories.